Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
