Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He passed out mid-signature
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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