if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
