I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize