Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
