whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
