i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
