Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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