im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
