Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
