Cold hands, warm shart.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I have post one night stand depression
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