Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
