i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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