He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize