I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
third nipple confirmed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
