i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
