Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
