Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
