I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
