Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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