I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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