I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
