I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
