This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
