hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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