Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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