is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
