I am puke
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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