its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
