i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
