u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
