i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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