remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
