Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
