dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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