Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize