I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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