i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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