Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
