A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
