just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize