do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
