I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
dude. I can hear the air.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
