I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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