Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
