We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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