I CAN MOONWALK!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
