It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
