I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
