so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
