she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
