I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
