I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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