I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
