you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh god the rape fog is back!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
