My first STD was from a foam party
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My vagina just recognized that song.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
