...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
