I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just google imaged poop.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
