i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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