Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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