Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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