i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
