I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
