no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize