Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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