She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
