you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
