I hate all girls vehemently.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
