The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
