It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He kissed a someone with a penis
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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