Apparently you make a good broom.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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