If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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